How do we choose a 24-hour live-in caregiver, and what should we discuss before they arrive?
For a long time, we thought our mother was still managing on her own. We did her shopping, called regularly and visited at weekends. She would always say, “Don’t worry, I can manage by myself.” Then more and more small signs suggested that this was no longer quite true. Sometimes she forgot to take her medication. She became less steady on her feet. She needed help with bathing, and we found ourselves calling more often just to make sure everything was all right.
Eventually, as a family, we had to say it out loud: our mother needs regular help. But how do we find someone we can confidently trust to care for her?
We are not simply looking for “a caregiver”
The first important thing we realised was that it was not enough to say, “We are looking for a live-in caregiver for an older lady.” That says almost nothing about the actual role. We sat down and tried to think carefully about what help our mother needed.
- Can she get up independently?
- Can she use the toilet on her own?
- Can she walk safely?
- Does she need help with bathing and dressing?
- Does she need someone to cook for her?
- Does she need help with shopping?
- Does someone need to accompany her to the doctor?
- Does she get up at night?
- Does she have memory problems?
- Can she be left alone for short periods?
The more precisely we answered these questions, the clearer it became what kind of caregiver we needed to look for.
The caregiver needs to know the real situation
As a family, it is easy to make the situation sound better than it really is. “Mum still does almost everything herself.” “She only needs a little help.” “She usually sleeps at night.” But if the caregiver arrives to find a completely different situation, problems can develop very quickly. So we decided to explain everything in advance.
If our mother gets up twice at night, we say so. If she needs help with bathing, we say so. If she sometimes becomes confused, we say so. And if there is something she does not need help with, we explain that too. Not to paint a worse picture of her, but so that the caregiver who responds is someone who genuinely can and wants to take on the role.
Not every experienced caregiver is right for every person
We used to think that the more years of experience someone had, the better the choice. Now we see it differently. Someone may have ten years of care experience but little experience of supporting people with dementia. Someone else may be particularly good at helping a person with limited mobility. One caregiver enjoys cooking, shopping and taking on household tasks. Another is mainly experienced in personal care.
Some are happy to take on live-in work in placements lasting several weeks, while others prefer daily visits or shift work. So we do not necessarily need to find the “best caregiver”. We need to find the caregiver who is right for us and for the care situation.
Language skills may matter more than we first think
If the caregiver and the older person do not share a first language, communication is especially important. Perfect language skills are not necessarily needed in every situation. But the caregiver and the person receiving care must be able to understand each other in everyday life. “I’m in pain.” “I’m thirsty.” “Help me stand up.” “I’d like to go to bed.” “I don’t feel well.” These are not insignificant phrases.
As a family, we should therefore consider which language they need to communicate in and what level of communication the situation requires.
Personality matters too
The caregiver is not coming for twenty minutes a day. In live-in care, they share a home with the person they support for days or even weeks. So it mattered to us what they were like as a person.
- Are they patient?
- Do they enjoy talking?
- Are they calm by nature?
- How do they communicate with an older person?
- How do they respond to a difficult situation?
Our mother, for example, likes to talk. She enjoys telling the same old family stories, sometimes more than once. A caregiver who is professionally capable but barely speaks to her all day would probably not be ideal for her. Care is not just about carrying out tasks. It is a human relationship too.
What can we expect from the caregiver?
This also needs to be discussed clearly.
- Cooking?
- Shopping?
- Laundry?
- Keeping the person’s surroundings tidy?
- Going for walks?
- Accompanying them to the doctor?
- Help with washing?
- Dressing?
- Help with moving around?
- Nighttime support?
It does not work if the family assumes something is “obviously included” when the caregiver has agreed to quite different tasks. Anything important to us should be discussed in advance.
But our expectations of the caregiver are only one part of it
After a while, we asked ourselves the question the other way round:
- What will we provide for the person moving into our home to care for our mother?
- Will they have their own room?
- Will they have a suitable place to rest?
- Is there internet access?
- How will their meals be arranged?
- Who will buy the groceries?
- Will they be able to take the agreed rest breaks?
- Can they use certain household appliances?
- If they arrive by car, is parking available?
These points are just as important to clarify as the caregiver’s duties. A fair working relationship goes both ways.
We discuss meals in advance too
At first, this might seem like a minor issue. But when someone lives with us for several weeks, it certainly is not.
- Will the caregiver eat with our mother?
- Will the family provide the food?
- Will they have a separate food allowance?
- Are there foods they do not eat?
- Do they follow a special diet?
And, of course, the caregiver needs to know the same things about the person receiving care.
- Do they have diabetes?
- Do they have any food allergies?
- Do they need a puréed diet?
- Are there foods they cannot eat for health or other reasons?
In everyday life, it is precisely these small details that can later lead to the biggest misunderstandings.
Nighttime support needs its own discussion
“24-hour live-in care” does not mean that one person works continuously for all twenty-four hours of the day. The caregiver needs proper rest too. That is why we need to discuss separately what happens at night.
- Does our mother usually sleep through the night?
- Does she get up once or several times?
- Does she need help getting to the toilet?
- Is there a risk of falling?
- Could she become confused at night because of dementia?
If regular nighttime care is needed, it must not be left unsaid or treated as an insignificant detail. It has a major effect on the work.
Travel, placement length, handover and pay
These arrangements must be clear before departure, especially when the caregiver is coming from abroad.
- When does the work begin?
- How long does each placement last?
- When will the next caregiver arrive to take over?
- Who pays for travel, or how much will they contribute?
- How will payment be made?
- What pay have we agreed on?
- What happens if the work needs to end earlier than planned?
The more we clarify in advance, the less likely we are to end up with two completely different understandings of the same agreement.
And we still have not chosen anyone
After thinking through all of this, we realised something. Choosing the right caregiver does not necessarily come down to a single detail. It is not just age. Not just qualifications. Not just years of experience. Not just language skills. And not just price. We need to look at the whole picture: the person’s condition, the caregiver’s experience, the tasks they undertake, communication, working patterns, accommodation, financial arrangements and how well everyone gets along.
This is why a detailed profile can matter
This is one of the ideas behind Vimora Care. A family should be able to see more than a name, a photo and a phone number. A caregiver’s detailed profile can provide information relevant to the choice, including language skills, experience, preferred working arrangements, availability and other practical details. Families can use their own care request to describe whom they are looking for, the care situation, the location, the start date and the conditions.
Of course, this does not replace a personal conversation. It helps that first conversation start with a clearer understanding.
In the end, one simple question remains
When we find a caregiver whose experience and the tasks they can undertake seem suitable, we speak to them. And we do not only ask, “Can you take on the role?” We also ask, “Do you think this job would be right for you?” Because a live-in care arrangement can work well over time when the choice is not only the family’s. The caregiver also makes a considered choice about the family and the work.
If both sides honestly explain what they need, what they can provide and what they can undertake, many later misunderstandings can be avoided before the caregiver even packs their suitcase. Vimora Care: more detailed information before the first conversation between a family and a caregiver.