What should you discuss before the caregiver packs her suitcase?
When I first took on live-in care work, I thought a few questions would be enough. Where is the job? When do I start? What is the older person’s state of health? How much does it pay? Since then, I have learnt that a 24-hour live-in role involves much more. When I move into someone’s home, I am not simply arriving at a workplace. For days or weeks, I live in the same house as the person I care for. I get to know their habits, their daily routine, how they like their breakfast, when they like to rest, what they enjoy talking about and what they need help with.
That is why my first question these days is no longer about pay. It is this: who exactly will I be caring for?
“Grandma only needs a little help…”
Many caregivers have heard this before. But what does “a little help” mean? It is one thing if an older person can get up, dress, use the toilet and walk to the kitchen independently but needs help with cooking, shopping and preparing their medication. It is quite another if someone needs help sitting up in bed, washing, dressing, using the toilet, eating or moving around the home. So before I accept a job, I want to understand the older person’s actual condition.
Can they walk independently? Do they use a walking frame or wheelchair? Can they stand up on their own? Do they need to be lifted or repositioned? Do they have dementia? Are they aware of where they are and what time or day it is? Do they get up at night? Do they have incontinence? How independently can they eat and wash? These are not awkward questions. They are necessary questions. It is also in the family’s interest to explain the situation honestly. That way, they can look for a caregiver whose experience and the tasks they can undertake genuinely match the role.
What will a typical day look like?
I like to know this in advance too. Will I need to help with getting up and washing in the morning? Will I prepare breakfast? Is there a medication schedule the person needs help following? Will I cook lunch? Do the shopping? The laundry? Keep the person’s immediate surroundings tidy?
- Will we go for a walk in the afternoon?
- Will I need to accompany them to the doctor?
- Or do they mainly want company, conversation and the reassurance of having someone there?
The term “24-hour live-in care” alone does not tell me exactly what tasks to expect. That is why the family and caregiver should discuss them in detail before the work begins.
And what happens at night?
This is one of the most important questions. As a live-in caregiver, I sleep in the same home as the person I care for, but that does not automatically mean I stay awake all night, every night. There is a big difference between someone who generally sleeps through the night and someone who regularly gets up several times, needs help getting to the toilet or changing position in bed, needs other assistance or becomes restless at night because of dementia. If regular nighttime support is needed, it must be discussed in advance.
The caregiver needs to know how demanding the nights are likely to be, and the family needs to find support that genuinely meets the older person’s needs.
Where will I live?
Some people think this is a minor detail, but it certainly is not when a live-in placement lasts several weeks.
- Will I have my own room?
- Is there a bed, a wardrobe and adequate heating or cooling?
- Can I use the internet?
- Where can I keep my personal belongings?
- Will I be able to rest undisturbed?
Anyone moving into a family’s home for an extended period needs somewhere they can retreat to during their own rest time. Suitable living conditions are not a luxury. They are the basis for living together successfully over time.
“And what will I eat?”
This is surprisingly easy to overlook. Yet when I go away for several weeks to take on a live-in role, knowing how my meals will be arranged matters a great deal to me.
- Will the family provide meals?
- Will we cook together?
- Will we eat the same food?
- Will I have a separate food allowance?
- Who will do the shopping?
- What happens if I have specific dietary needs or do not eat certain foods?
It is better to spend ten minutes clarifying these things before leaving than to let them cause misunderstandings every day later on. The same applies to the person receiving care. Do they follow a special diet? Do they eat puréed food? Do they have diabetes? Any food allergies? Do they need help eating? The more information there is beforehand, the easier it is to prepare.
Who pays for my travel?
If I am travelling to another town or country for work, I always clarify this in advance.
- Who pays for the journey there and back?
- Is there a contribution towards travel costs?
- Will I arrive by car, train, bus or plane?
- Who will meet me when I arrive?
- On exactly which day and at what time does the work begin?
- When will the caregiver taking over from me arrive?
These may seem like small details, but they are especially important when working abroad.
Pay matters, but the amount alone is not enough
Of course, I also want to know exactly how much I will earn. But these days, I ask about more than the amount. I want to know which duties are included, how long the placement lasts, how I will be paid, when I can rest, whether regular nighttime tasks are involved and when the next caregiver will arrive to take over. A higher amount does not necessarily make a job better if the tasks turn out to be very different from what we discussed before I left. That is why clarity matters most to me.
The family has a choice to make too
Of course, I am not the only one choosing. The family is entrusting me with the daily care of someone important to them. If I were looking for a caregiver for my own mother or father, I would not only ask how many years they had worked in care. I would ask whether they had supported someone with similar needs before.
- Do they have experience of dementia care?
- Can they help someone with limited mobility?
- Which languages do they speak, and how well?
- Which tasks will they undertake, and which will they not?
- Do they enjoy cooking?
- Are they willing to do the shopping?
- Do they have a driving licence, if one is needed?
- When can they start?
And I would talk to them. Because professional experience is not the only thing that matters in live-in care. Personal compatibility, patience, communication and the ability of the caregiver and the person receiving care to live together for an extended period matter too.
The best job is one where neither side has to guess
Many problems between a family and a caregiver do not arise because anyone means harm. They simply did not discuss something in time. The family assumed a task was naturally part of the job. The caregiver did not. The caregiver thought she would have her own room. The family had something else in mind. The family expected the caregiver to get up several times at night. The caregiver had not been told. Many of these situations can be prevented. That is why I believe we should discuss everything in detail first, and only then agree to work together.
This is where Vimora Care aims to help
Vimora Care aims to help families and caregivers learn as much as possible about each other’s needs and circumstances before making contact. A caregiver’s detailed profile can include their experience, language skills, availability, preferred working arrangement and other information relevant to taking on a role. Families can use their own care request to explain in more detail what support they need, where and when they need it, and what the working conditions will be. The aim is not for a profile to make a decision on behalf of two people. Quite the opposite.
The aim is that, when the family and caregiver first speak, they no longer need to start by establishing the basic facts. Instead, they can discuss what really matters: are we a good match? Because a successful live-in care arrangement does not begin on the first day of work. It begins with the first honest conversation. Vimora Care: helping families and caregivers find each other with more detailed information.